Getting a Girl: Practicing and Losing Fear

There is no need to fear women. They are just like you, except with different body parts and brain chemistry. You probably live with women all the time: your mother, your sister, your grandmothers, aunts and cousins. Over time you will have learnt different ways to deal with women. About the age of 14-15, most heterosexual men are thinking about pairing up with a woman. This is not an easy process.

It is generally easiest to do it in a group of trusted friends, where there are friendly relationships, and there is less risk of embarrassment or damage to the collective reputation. The woman you are seeking has to be approachable, and she has to have shown a degree of interest in you. Ideally, she ought to be as interested in you as you are in her. Many people think, that a woman and a man need to spend a certain amount of time with each other to be comfortable dating. This is the hard way. If you experienced a very bad success rate (like 10 dates - one "success" (can't have been be too successful if you're reading this now)), you might wonder if there is a more viable alternative. Making a woman have feelings for you, be it romantic or purely sexual is less frustrating, faster, and easier once you have learned it a bit. And more fun!

The process of fear is called inhibition. It is several thoughts -> feelings -> actions that build up to fear.

Some obstacles creating fear are sexual: premature ejaculation or impotence, for instance. Always check with your doctor to ensure your sexual health. If you are having problems with assertiveness/confidence, see a psychiatrist or psychologist. Or go to a men's group, where you can make friends as well as chat with women. By far the greatest fear experienced by men is an emotional one. This fear is the fear of commitment.

Another sign of fear is men who are too clingy to their women. While this may appeal to women who are essentially caretakers/nurturers, more independent women may be put off. Adolescence and early 20s is really the time to individuate, and a woman may hate being treated like your mother.

The ASF calls this supplication. A man that is easy to control, always kissing up to his partner, may be seen as inferior and boring. Never spend anything on a woman except your time, just because you think you might be able to have sex with her later on. This is unfair for both sides. Also it's inefficient: you don't want to waste your money for a woman you don't value too much yet, do you? If however you really are forced to spend something for a girl, it may be useful to make her beg at least a bit, or show that you are uncomfortable to go into this "bribing" business, or that you are unsure whether she is taking advantage of you, mixed with a bit of humor.

Bribing and fighting for a girl is seen not to work any more. There was a time where woman considered the material and caretaking qualities of a man more. Nowadays girls mostly choose their men because of attractiveness, or at least they think so. They will choose a man who makes them feel good, or for whom they feel a romantic attachment. So it's not so much about what they think they want, it's more the way they feel about you from the beginning on.

Exercises
If you ever were forced to jump from a five meter tower into a distant wet though you didn't want to, or anything similar that gives you a really emotional fear with real symptoms around your body, then you have been in a real conflict between a subconscious fear (height, whatever) and your rational mind (saying "come on, why do you fear falling down, you went up to jump!!). The subconscious mind can be made to accept and feel comfortable with a thought provoking emotions by repeated exposure. It can be made to accept a reality, or to ignore it. Most of the time you have to impress a made-up idea upon your subconscious to make it accept it. This is a suggestion. The subconscious mind will turn it into reality.

With the theory out of way, let's fool the subconscious that prevents you having sex and a relationship!

Thought Experiments
Think about conversing with girls you don't know or who would give you jiggles to talk to - take your time. Try to provoke the emotions you want to avoid. Know how it feels. Then try to force your emotions away. Do this in the presence of a girl (without her noticing of course!), since this makes it more real and your subconscious mind will more likely (try to) intervene!

The Eyes
Look into the eyes of as much woman as you can, don't stare, just fix them with a nice smile on your face.

The Real Part
Hit girls with pick-up lines. No kidding. "Did you just grab my ass?" -"No!? o.O?" - "-.- damn! On the other hand you might be a nice girl then!" You can use worse. Deliver in a joking manner, like you want to make a decent fun of her, seeing whether she can laugh about herself. Do it over and over again with woman you don't know and just meet casually in the bus, subway, in the city, whatever. They will never recognize you again and even if they do they won't do anything. You will see it's just your mind that gives you the uncomfortable feeling -- with practice this feeling goes away!

Use the Internet - If you are very sensitive, chatting will be enough for your subconscious to make you go red. However, you can even practice wording and conversing there quite fine. The barrier is lower to initiate a conversation. Have the goal in mind to get a meeting arranged in under an hour. Don't bring over any personality or depth other than your wit and maybe a photo (if they respond positive to that, if not, just say you don't have one). Part 2 of the exercise: date them. This will get you into the dating game for practice.

Go dancing! No I don't mean in a club or disco. Learn it. Prefer salsa/mambo and Caribbean stuff, often the cheaper the lessons are, the better - If you know a sport dancing-club see if you can join. University sports are fine locations for that, too. The difference between classic dancing schools and the sport-dancers/non-latin salsa scene is that in the schools they teach figures, as fast as they can, and you will not be able to take advantage of your knowledge!! The hobbyists on the other hand emphasize much more on "feeling" the music, feeling and leading the partner. A girl will never judge your dancing abilities on the basis of how many figures you can do, she wants to feel good, and you need to lead! In sport dancing they emphasize the so called "basics", the way to move your feet, your arms, hands, the rhythm. You will be able to dance with girls in a disco much more comfortably (for both of you) and you can teach them a bit to dance like they do in the films ;)

Never look back. No woman can defeat you. She can turn you down, but she can't defeat you, though never think of them as bitches!

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